At this past week’s Torah discussion, we discussed a heavy topic: shame.
It came up in the context of the week’s parashah (Torah portion), Vayigash, meaning, “he approached.” The older brother Judah approached the younger brother Joseph, decades after Joseph’s older brother’s had sold him to a wandering caravan of traders descending to Egypt, so loathed was Joseph by his older brothers.
In the decades since, Joseph, touched by the invisible hand of providence, has risen up through the ranks of the Egyptian people and is overseeing distribution of their well-stocked resources in the midst of a famine. His brothers have come down seeking those resources and do not recognize him. Joseph puts them through the ringer, so to speak, having them go back to Canaan to retrieve their younger brother Benjamin, before planting a royal goblet in Benjamin’s possessions, threatening to take him captive, depriving their father Jacob of yet another of his favorite sons.
When Judah comes to Benjamin’s defense, offering that Joseph (whom Judah does not recognize as such) take Judah himself in Benjamin’s place, Joseph is apparently so moved by Judah’s selflessness, and moved by the fact that Judah is now protective of Jacob’s favorite son when a younger version of himself had not been, that Joseph discloses who he is.
Joseph does so by first asking every Egyptian attendant to leave the room. A midrash (a rabbinic homiletical interpretation) teaches that he does so in order not to shame his brothers before the Epyptians—if he revealed himself, their past deeds would come to light, and he chooses to protect them.
The midrash suggests that Judah cries out in such deep shame—at his and the brother’s actions from years ago—that ” all the walls of Egypt toppled, all the animals of Egypt gave birth prematurely, and Joseph and Pharaoh tumbled from their thrones.” Continuing, “When Joseph saw that they were deeply ashamed, he said to them: ‘Come near to me, I pray you’ (Gen. 45:4). As each one of them approached,” he kissed him and wept with him, as is said: ‘And he kissed all his brethren, and wept upon them’ (Gen. 45:15).” The midrash closes with a teaching that, “Just as Joseph comforted his brothers while they were weeping, so the Holy One will redeem Israel while she weeps.”
On the one hand, shame is a powerful, painful force that Joseph does not wish on anyone, even his brothers who had so mistreated him. Joseph, presumably, had experienced his own shame in life. He was, at one point, a haughty young man who told his brothers and parents that he had a dream that one day they would all bow down to him. So Joseph, having experienced this shame, and the pain and regret with which he looked back on his youth, sought to shield his brothers from this experience.
On the other hand, as our Torah study participants discussed, shame can be a powerful catalyst for transformation, spiritual and otherwise. While too much shame can cause us to wallow and turn to other destructive behaviors (the midrash suggests that in their shame, when Joseph revealed himself the brothers initially sought to kill him!), a small dose of shame and regret—paired with the understanding of the infinite divine capacity for compassion and redemption—can be a powerful vessel for change. Shame, this teaching suggests, when surrounded by love and compassion, can spur us to be kinder, more compassionate versions of ourselves, better fulfilling our purpose of ourselves. Past actions, through teshuvah (repentance/return), can be elevated by the way in which we accept that shame as invitations to do better next time and transform ourselves for the good.
It is a delicate balance, and our Torah study participants warned about the dangers of too much shame, not to get too down on ourselves or be too hard on ourselves, but in this Torah portion, we saw the sacred capacity for change.
